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Everyone knows someone who's sick or suffering. Yet when a friend or relative is under duress many of us feel uncertain about how to cope.
Throughout her recent bout with breast cancer, Letty Cottin Pogrebin became fascinated by her friends' and family's diverse reactions to her and her illness: how awkwardly some of them behaved, how some misspoke or misinterpreted her needs, and how wonderful it was when people read her right. She began talking to her fellow patients and dozens of other veterans of serious illness, seeking to discover what sick people wished their friends knew about how best to comfort, help, and even simply talk to them.
Now Pogrebin has distilled their collective stories and opinions into this wide-ranging compendium of pragmatic guidance and usable wisdom. Her advice is always infused with sensitivity, warmth, and humor. It is embedded in candid stories from her own and others' journeys and their sometimes imperfect interactions with well-meaning friends. How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick is an invaluable guidebook for anyone hoping to rise to the challenges of this most important and demanding passage of friendship.
- Sales Rank: #115153 in Audible
- Published on: 2013-04-09
- Released on: 2013-04-09
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 566 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
30 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful, compassionate advice from a true expert
By Robert C Ross
As the caregiver for 34 years for my wife Janet, I would have loved to have had this book available. There isn't much time for reading during those busy hours, but it would have made me remember that it wasn't just love that brought Janet and me together -- we were each other's best friends as well. Somehow we were able to hold onto that friendship (and that love) through 34 challenging years without guidance -- but Letty Cottin Pogrebin would have helped me through the thickets many, many times.
Her lists of dos and don'ts, her compassion for both patient and caregiver, her sense of how different people are -- some wanting control, others wanting to be controlled -- the importance of simply listening to the other person even though you are afraid, stressed, over-tired, sick of it all. She captures some of what kept me going, but gosh I would have liked to have had this book by my bedside to just browse in when the going got tough and it didn't seem possible to keep going.
One of the most powerful facts about this book is that Pogrebin interviewed over 60 different patients, some of whom needed constant support, others of whom truly wanted solitude. She clearly listened, and she captured their voices and their desires in remarkable ways. I would only add from our 34 years together, Janet sometimes wanted to be totally in control, sometimes totally alone, sometimes with whole hearted support. It was very easy for me to remember what she said during one of those periods and mis-apply it a day or a week or a month later when her mood or her desires had changed. This book would have made those moments of confusion much easier to resolve.
Bravo Letty! I recommend that every caregiver read this book and reflect on the learning here.
Robert C. Ross
May 2013
31 of 33 people found the following review helpful.
"HOW TO HELP PATIENTS AND HEALERS THROUGH ACTS OF KINDNESS!"
By Author/Reviewer Geri Ahearn
Letty Cottin Pogrebin, a woman who survived her own battle with cancer, delivers an essential guide on how to nurture, and love the sick. As soon as I noticed the title of this book, I immediately reflected back to 30 years of Nursing, working on all units, including oncology. The author shares her personal experience, along with touching stories of patients and their feedback of how they were treated, and what was missing. As I contemplate on hundreds of patients I cared for in the healthcare industry, many diagnosed with terminal illness, I remember listening to their own stories of how friendship and family interactions played a huge role in personal feelings, and recovery. The author portrays the essential importance of how to treat people that are sick, regardless of whether their condition is chronic, or terminal. Letty Cottin Pogrebin describes situations that can be awkward, misunderstood, and uncomfortable. Her main purpose of writing this book was to pass on information to others that makes a difference in the lives of those who are sick, and suffering. This book is filled with wisdom, guidance, and compassion. The author explains the things we should say, and the things we should not do. In addition, the crucial lessons highlighted by the author will benefit the sick in many ways. Letty Cottin Pogrebin offers tips for good behavior when visiting the sick, and how we should act. Most important, we must remember the feelings of the patient. The author's wise and witty lessons are valuable tools in helping to nurture the sick, and suffering. She describes what is needed, and how terror, fear and despair can only hurt more. When these challenges are met that the author discusses, it could indeed make a huge impact on the condition of the sick, and healers. Overall, the author described how these acts of kindness will nurture the sick, and the importance of sharing these lessons with friends, and family. This heartfelt book is impressive, inspiring, and beautifully written. Highly recommended!
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Judith R. Shamp
Great book with many practical suggestions.
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